La Douleur Exquise
by Aviator39
Summary: :: We're not perfect. Any of us. We make mistakes, we screw up. But then we forgive and move forward. The Last Song :: Marriage is one of the greatest tests life has to offer. And the marriage of Det. Carisi and Dr. Robbins is battle tested and tried. But will it survive the tests that the future hold?


Copyright (c) 2016 by Aviator39 under the Copyright Act of 1978 which states that works written under a pseudonym are protected for 95 years after publication or 120 years from creation, whichever is shorter. Stealing and/or plagiarize any aspect of this story is grounds to sue you! You have been warned. You will be reported if you violate this Copyright.

* * *

 **~ Bones break. Organs burst. Flesh tears. We can sew the flesh, repair the damage, ease the pain. But when life breaks down, there's no science, no hard and fast rules. We just have to feel our way through. - Meredith Grey ~**

* * *

 **Code Black:** _An influx of patients so great that there aren't enough personnel or resources to treat them. The average ER is in Code Black 5 times per year. Angels Memorial Hospital – New York is in Code Black 300 times per year._

* * *

It was chaos as Dodds was loaded into an ambulance before speeding away with the squad piled into Tucker's SVU and most definitely breaking several traffic laws into order to keep up.

"This is my fault." Liv muttered, staring blankly at her blood stained hands. "I never should've left him alone in that house."

Fin thinned his lips. "You did what any of us woulda done, Liv." He stated. "You got the kids and their mom outta there."

"Lieu, Dodds wouldn't have wanted you to be in that house." Carisi added, as Rollins and Amaro nodded in agreement. "Not with Noah waiting for you at home."

Tucker nodded, reaching across the gearshift and squeezing Liv's hand – completely unbothered by the dry blood. "You did everything right, Liv." He murmured, thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of her hand. "It's up to the doctors now."

He screeched to a halt behind the ambulance, rushed footsteps behind him as they followed Dodds' gurney into the bustling ER.

"We gotta Brother in Blue down!" The head ER nurse, Jordan shouted over the cacophony of voices and the hyperactive room seemed to come to a standstill. "Someone page Dr. Robbins, then call the Blood Bank and tell them to send us all the O-Neg they can spare." He shouted, snapping the room back into organized chaotic motion. "Let's get Sergeant Dodds to Center Stage."

The squad moved to follow the gurney but jerked to a stop as Chief Dodds sprinted in, dashing by them without a backward glance. "Mike!" He shouted, trying desperately to get to his son but was held back by two other nurses.

"Sir, you can stay." One of the nurses restraining the Chief stated calmly. "But you need to remain behind the red line and give us room to work." The Chief nodded distractedly, stepping behind the red line with his eyes fixated on the buzz of activity around his son.

Center Stage consisted of a row of six trauma beds, side by side with the area open on three sides. The area at the head of the beds was backed by an 8 foot wall with a platform behind it allowing others to watch the activity going on below them. Surrounding Center Stage were 40 other beds in curtained stalls along the walls – these were The Sides.

"What do we have?" A British-accented voice cut through the squad's observation of the room and Carisi's head jerked up.

Dr. Robbins glanced around at the stunned residents gathered around Dodds' gurney. "Somebody better _bloody_ speak up before I have the entire lot of you thrown out of my ER." She said sternly, ignoring the semi-stunned detectives watching her. "Fine. I'll pick one of you." Pointing to a relatively calm, young Asian woman she said. "Doctor Cheung present."

The young woman licked her lips. "Um…NYPD Sergeant Mike Dodds presenting with a GSW to the abdomen. No scans or X-Rays have been taken as we're more concerned with controlling blood loss. So far he's losing 500 cc's per minute – it's coming out as fast as we can put it in." She recited hurriedly, sucking in a breath at the end.

"Good. Thank you. At least one of you has a brain." Dr. Robbins stated. "I'm guessing a splenic lac along with possible liver damage. But we're not going to know anything until we open him up." She paused, unlooping the stethoscope from around her neck, fitting the appropriate ends into her ears and pressing the disk to Mike's chest. "I'm getting diminished breath sounds on the left side. Let's get a chest tube in there before the Sergeant has to deal with a hemopneumothorax on top of everything else. And when's the soonest an OR will be available?"

The Chief looked on apprehensively as Dr. Robbins clasped a scalpel in her right hand and made a small incision in Mike's left side. "Dr. Clarke you're going to place the chest tube." She instructed and handed a length of clear, sterile tubing to a wide-eyed and nervous looking male resident. "Go slowly to make sure it doesn't get stuck in the fatty tissue."

Clarke nodded, making sure he was holding the chest tube properly before pushing one end into the incision. Once it was a few inches in, a stream of blood flowed through it – adding to the growing puddle beneath the gurney.

"The soonest an OR is available is ten minutes, Lexi." Jordan called out from over by one of the hospital-wide phone lines.

"He's going to be dead if we wait that long." Lexi stated bluntly, grabbing some more 4x4's to press over the bullet hole in Mike's abdomen that continued to steadily leak blood just as the heart monitor began to wail. "He's in V-Fib! Somebody get me a crash cart and set up a surgical tray for a Laparotomy."

Yanking her hair into a hurried ponytail, Lexi began CPR – dutifully ignoring the way Mike's ribs cracked under the continued pressure. "Charge to 300. Clear!" Pressing the paddles to his chest, the others watched his body jerk up once before the monitor began beeping rhythmically. "Sinus rhythm." She let out a relieved sigh and tied her scrub cap over her hair. "Everyone ready for this?"

A series of nods went around the gurney as Lexi breathed deeply and flexed her hands. "10 blade please." She intoned.

Carisi continued to stare at the hub of activity around Mike's bed, jerking his thoughts back into focus when Nick tapped him on the shoulder and motioned for him to join the others in the waiting room.

"So when did Lexi get back?" Liv asked as they all settled into cushioned but definitely not comfortable chairs to wait. "I thought she was in DC doing rehab for her back."

Sonny sighed, scrubbing a hand down his face. "You and me both." He muttered, but it wasn't anger in his voice so much as bone-deep exhaustion. "I'm not even angry, you know. I'm sure she has her reasons."

"Yeah, well, they better be good ones." Fin muttered, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. He and Carisi didn't exactly get off on the right foot when the younger detective joined Manhattan SVU, but Fin had to admit that he had taken a shine to the seemingly always happy and optimistic detective from Staten Island. "Not to budge in on your marriage, Carisi – but it's a little hinky that she's back and didn't even bother telling you."

Sonny shot Fin a sideways glance before looking around at the others. Liv had knocked out against Tucker's shoulder while Nick and Amanda seemed to be discussing the possibilities of the upcoming Game of Thrones episode while Fin sat quietly in a chair across from him.

Further inspection of the waiting room revealed Matthew Dodds – the younger and unimportant son who was simply unimportant cause he hadn't been able to live up to his father's standards and had relapsed a few too many times. The young man was pale and sweating despite the air conditioning blasting away – detox. And he was shaky as he sat on the floor in the corner farthest away from the squad and his mother.

"God, let us get through this." Sonny breathed to himself and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees to pray to a God that he sometimes wondered was even listening.

-( 8 Hours Later )-

"Family of Sergeant Mike Dodds." Lexi called out as she entered the ER waiting area, tucking a lock of blonde hair behind her ear. She licked her lips as the Chief and the former Mrs. Dodds stood up, with Matthew lingering like some phantom a few feet behind them.

Chief Dodds wrung his hands together – he was still wearing his bloodstained white dress shirt and his hands were tinged red. "How is he?" He asked, sharing concerned glances with his ex-wife. "Is Mike going to be alright?"

Lexi gave him a reassuring smile. "Your son is going to be fine." She stated, flipping Mike's chart closed and clasping it against her chest. "We had to remove his spleen and I'll admit that it was touch and go for a while. But, as long has his vitals stay stable for the next 24 hours then we can all breathe a little easier. He's also going to need a few months of PT once we release him."

"Oh thank God!" The Chief breathed in relief, throwing his arms around Lexi. "Thank you." He murmured, crushing her close. "Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome." Lexi chuckled, smiling warmly before her eyes settled on the trembling form of Matthew Dodds. Untangling herself from the Chief she made her way over to Matthew, dutifully ignoring the disapproving look from his father. "Your brother's going to fine." She murmured, clasping his shoulder in a firm grip before reaching into one of the pockets on her lab coat and pulling out one of her Marine Corps business cards. "For when you decide you want to make something of your life."

Matthew nodded, holding Lexi's card in one clasped fist as he crossed his arms over his chest with his shoulders curling in on himself.

Lexi frowned and waved a nurse over, handing Mike's chart to her. "Nurse Chapel can take you all to see Mike." She murmured, turning to Mike with a sympathetic gaze. "And we can get you a bed in your brother's room. You can ride out the detox there and then, if you want, I can recommend a counselor for you to meet with."

She watched the expressions moving across the Chief's face as they moved from gratefulness to disgust to something akin to admiration. "I've been where you are." Lexi admitted softly and licked her lips. "Maybe we can talk about it some other time."

Her words got another shaky nod out of Matthew as he followed dutifully behind his parents and Nurse Chapel before sighing heavily and running her gaze over the room before it settled on Sonny.

"Alright, which one of my idiot residents let this Yank into my ER." Lexi teased as she made her way over to Sonny, earning a chuckle from Amaro and Rollins before she crouched down in front of her husband. "Hey, love." She murmured gently, placing a hand on Sonny's knee.

Sonny blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts before looking up. "Hey, darlin'." He answered softly, his Staten Island accent slipping through heavily and smiled widely. "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes. I didn't think you were back."

Lexi bit her lip, avoiding her husband's gaze as she looked down. "I should've told you…come by the apartment or the precinct – but my head was in a dark place, and I couldn't risk hurting you. Not again." She sighed, pressing one hand against the small of her back. "I'm not excusing my actions…and I understand if you're angry…"

Silence stretched between them for several moments and Lexi was aware of both the others watching them and a sharp, intense pain making itself known in her still bruised back.

"Please say something…" Lexi pleaded lowly, jumping slightly as Sonny cupped the side of her face gently and brushed his thumb under her right eye.

"I'm not angry, darlin'." Sonny murmured, and began laughing lightly as tears began trickling down his cheeks. "I'm just so damn glad you're home." He breathed and stood, pulling her into a crushing embrace as he buried his face in the junction of her shoulder. "I'm so glad you're home."

* * *

 **Please read and review :) Constructive criticism is always appreciated.**


End file.
